The Beginning Read online

  “Really?” I’m a little shocked by his comment. I thought I’d made it quite obvious that I wasn't happy. I do love him, and to me, that is the hardest part of the nights I’m alone. Most nights I kick myself for waiting around for him. I’m always telling myself I deserve more, but I guess deep down, I know I’m not relevant to anyone.

  “Really? I’m so sorry you feel like you’re an afterthought. I’m such an asshole. I promise I'll try harder from this moment on.” He wraps his arms around me and kisses my forehead.

  “I hope so because I love you too much to have to let you go.” I do.

  He holds me at arm’s length. “Would you really leave me?” he asks, shock again splashes across his features.

  “If there isn’t a change soon, then, of course, I’ll have to walk away. I’m not an afterthought. I don’t deserve to be an afterthought.” I shrug.

  He pulls me back against him. “No, you don’t deserve that, at all.”

  While in his embrace, I hear my phone ring. I take it out of my handbag, look at the screen, and see that it is Zoe. “Hello.”

  “Hey, Cassie.”

  “Hi, Hun. What’s going on? Is everyone okay?” I ask.

  “Yes, I just wanted to let you know that the doctors just came in to check on Jimmy. They told me that with a lot of rest, and rehabilitation, Jimmy will be himself again. They don’t seem to think that there will be any permanent damage.”

  “That is fantastic news, Zoe. I am so happy for you,” I let out the breath I’d been holding. “How’s Mark?”

  “He’s still the same. He hasn’t woken yet. Annette and I keep swapping so someone is always there with each of them, just in case they wake up.”

  “I hope he wakes soon. If you need anything, at all, even if it’s just someone to sit with you, don’t hesitate to call.”

  “Thanks, Cassie, I will. I’d better go they don’t allow phones in the ICU, and I have to get back in there.”

  “Okay. Call me if you need anything. I don’t care if it’s four in the morning, you call me. Okay?” I press because I know she won’t want to put me out, but she'll need to count on someone.

  “Okay, I will. Bye, Cassie.”

  “Bye, Hun.” I hang up the phone.

  “That sounded promising?” Mitchell asks as I slip my phone back into my handbag.

  “Yeah, the doctors just told her they think Jimmy will be okay with time,” I smile.

  “And what about Mark?”

  “He hasn’t woken yet, but hopefully, he will soon.” I shrug. I want to come across as confident, but I have a horrid feeling about Mark.

  One that makes me feel uneasy.

  “I hope so, too. Shall we head back to your house? It’s getting late.”

  I glance at my watch. “Shit, I knew it was late, but I didn’t think it was that late. Yeah, let’s head back.” I agree.

  As I take my keys out of my handbag to unlock the front door, I feel Mitchell’s hands on my hips, his lips brush against my neck and I lean into his touch, needing it more than I realized. While still facing away from him, his hands move over my stomach, but before he can go any further, I see headlights pull into the driveway.

  “Mum’s home,” I groan. I stand up straight and slide the key in the lock. As I open the front door, my mother walks up behind us.

  "Why are you home so late?” she asks as we move into the living room. I drop my butt onto the sofa, and Mitchell takes the seat beside me.

  “Umm, we’ve been at the hospital, remember?”

  Let me tell you now; I don’t have much of a relationship with Rose. The woman cares for no one but herself, and she can be cruel at times.

  The tubby, short brunette drops down into her chair. “Oh, yeah. The hospital thing. I guess you’d better tell me what’s going on.” She's so fucking blunt. I’ve always wondered how she managed to keep living without a heart to pump her blood.

  I decided to give it to her bluntly, without emotion. The woman is a waste of space. “The doctors see improvement in Jimmy, but as far as Mark goes, he hasn’t res-” Courtney then barrels into the room, and she comes to a halt in front of us.

  “What’s wrong with Mark? Nobody told me there was a problem with Mark! What happened? Why are you worried about him?” her words are rushed; her face petrified.

  Mark has always been a somewhat second father to us, and he stepped up even more so when our parents divorced. If something happens to him, Courtney will be devastated. Just looking at her makes me want to let my emotions go, I want to let the tears fall down my cheeks, but I can’t. I need to be strong for her, so I close my eyes for a moment, and take in a deep calming breath. “When the doctor was explaining Jimmy’s injuries to us, Mark had a heart attack. He’s still unconscious, but Zoe and Annette promised to call when he wakes up.” I can see the tears in her eyes. “I’m sure he’ll be okay Court he’s a tough man, one of the toughest I know.” I reach for her hands and use them to pull her into my embrace.

  “I know you’re right, but he is such a kind man. Why does this always happen to the ones who don’t deserve it?” she sobs into my chest.

  I shake my head in sympathy, “I don’t know, Court. Hopefully, everything will be okay. But only time will tell.”

  We sit with one another and talk for a while longer until my eyelids begin to feel heavy.

  “Okay, I’m going to call it a night,” I say goodnight to Court, bypass my mother, and kiss Mitch goodbye.

  I walk outside and into my bungalow, change into my PJ’s, but when I hop into bed, I begin to think about the conversation I'd had earlier with Mitch, the one concerning the nature of our relationship. But it doesn’t take too long to realize I shouldn’t be thinking about it. Nothing good ever comes from your brain overthinking things in the dark and the quiet of the night. Television is my greatest distraction at times like these. I grab the remote off of the bedside table, and flick on the DVD player, and pop an episode of Weeds on. It isn’t long before I drift off to sleep.

  Chapter Two

  The next morning, I wake up at eight-thirty, I drag my feet as I go through my usual routine of coffee, toast, and a book. As soon as I finish my magical cup of caffeine, I take my phone out of the pocket of my dressing gown and call Zoe.

  “Hello,” she answers.

  “Hey, Zoe. How are you feeling, hun?”

  “I’m exhausted. I slept a little in the chair in Jimmy’s room, but it was broken sleep.”

  “Oh, hun, you need some proper rest,” I tell her.

  “I’ll get some when Jimmy is out of this fucking coma. But, until that day happens, I’ll be by his side. I have to be here when he wakes. If I’m not, I know I’ll never forgive myself.”

  “You’re an amazing woman, Zoe. Anyway, how's Jimmy? Has there been any change since I last spoke to you?”

  “Unfortunately, no, he’s still the same. The swelling on his face has calmed a little, and the doctor’s reassured me he'll be just fine.” I can hear the smile in her voice.

  “I’m so glad to hear it. How’s Mark?”

  “Unchanged,” she lets out a sigh before continuing. “I’m not sure about his situation. I’ve been up here with Jimmy since one this morning.”

  “I hope he gets better, fast, for Annette’s sake. Alright, I’m going to come up later. I'll text you when I know what time.”

  “Okay, Cassie, thanks. I’ll call you if there are any changes in either of them.”

  “I’d appreciate that. Bye, Hun.”

  “Bye, Cass.” I press the end call button and place the phone back in one of the pockets of my dressing gown as I walk over to my bungalow and continue reading my book.

  After an hour or so, I begin to go a little stir-crazy knowing that my friends are lying in hospital beds with exhausted loved ones sitting by their sides. I text Mitchell ‘Good morning,’ but I don’t receive a response. After waiting fifteen minutes, I decide to get up and have a shower and stand under the cascading water until it runs co
ld.

  I turn off the water and find my bathrobe and put it on.

  As I walk out of the en-suite, I’m a little taken back when I see Mitchell is sitting on the edge of the bed.

  “I seem to have timed my visit well,” he says as he gives me a slanted smile.

  “You certainly did.” I walk over and make the gutsy decision to straddle him between my legs. He places his hands on my hips and brings me closer to him, and as he does, I wrap my arms around his neck and crush my lips down on his.

  His hands move gently and push the top of my robe back so that it slips down my arms and gathers around my waist, leaving the top half of my body nude. He then slides his hands under my robe and rests them on my naked hips as my lips trail down his neck and then back up to his mouth. I don’t plan on going all the way with him now, or today, for that matter. I want my first time to be special, and not just because I walked out of the shower at a convenient time.

  A few minutes pass, and I know I have to stop him. Hell, I had to stop myself before we went too far.

  Eventually, I manage to ease him down before we get too carried away, and I explain to him why I can’t go any further at that moment.

  “I understand,” he says with a smile as he fixes my robe.

  “I feel so horrible for doing it to you, but it has to be right. I can’t have these doubts in my mind. I want it to be you, but I also want us to be a team, a partnership, and I don’t feel that way, or, at least, not yet. Today is the first time I’ve been able to see you for two days in a row for months now. I want to know that you are serious about us.” I shrug. When I know for sure he's all in, I will give him what he wants, but not until then. I just hope that he doesn’t hate me before the time comes.

  He looks deep into my eyes. “I’m so sorry I’ve made you feel this way. I am serious, and I will prove that to you that you are my priority.”

  Grinning down at him, I hope to hell he's telling the truth. “I love you so much. I hope that you love me just as much.” And climb off him.

  While he waits, I move back into my bathroom, and I change into a white summer dress with matching white, Rusty thongs. Today is about comfort for me, and I’m still too tired to care what I look like. “So, what do you want to do?” I ask Mitchell, who always seems to be down within himself. I feel bad for hurting him, but at the same time, he needs to know exactly how I feel for us to be able to move forward.

  “I was going to suggest we head over and see Adam. He asked me yesterday to pop over and play pool. What do you think?” he asks.

  “I haven’t seen the boys in a while. It'd be good to get out and forget about everything for a couple of hours.”

  Leaving the bungalow we head into the main house while Mitchell gets the car started and I find Courtney in the living room watching a cooking program. I take the seat nearest to her, and she looks up at me, expectantly. “I spoke to Zoe.”

  Her eyes go wide. “Well, what’s the news?”

  I try my best to make my smile reach my eyes, but I know I’m failing miserably, just by spotting the sad expression she's now wearing. I decide I'm going to give her the bad news first, then hope to God the good news somewhat overshadows the bad/indifferent news. “There’s no change in Mark. He’s still asleep.”

  Courtney’s head drops, so I take her face in my hands and make eye contact with her. “I know it’s sad and frustrating, but for now, all we can do is stay positive. I’m going to head over to Adam’s now, and then the hospital. You’ll be my first phone call I make when Zoe checks in. Are you going to be okay here?” I ask.

  She nods. “I have to go to work soon, so that will be a nice distraction.” She smiles, but it’s empty.

  “Okay, call me if you need anything. Love you, chick,” I whisper as I take her in my arms and squeeze.

  After pulling into Adam’s driveway, we walk around to the back of the house because he's always in the pool room, and I don’t blame him either because he has everything a guy could ever want or need in there.

  As we walk in, I spot him as he shoots pool on his own. But he turns when he hears us, "Adam, how are you?” I ask.

  He puts his cue down and walks over to me. “Hey, Cassie. I didn’t know you were coming.”

  I cringe. “Is it a problem? Were you hoping to have a guy’s only night? No boobies allowed?” I ask.

  “Of course not, and you’re welcome here anytime. I’m surprised I don’t see you here with Mitch more often,” he says and pulls me in for a hug.

  “Unfortunately, my boyfriend over there doesn’t seem to want to spend any time with me,” I whisper in his ear. As he pulls back, he gives me a knowing look. I grew up with these guys, and our friends know me as well as my family does. Adam’s already aware that there have been issues with my relationship with Mitch, but he won’t probe me with questions while Mitch is in earshot.

  Once I’m seated on a stool at the bar, I watch as Mitch sets up the pool table for a game and Adam comes over to me. He holds his hand out for me, and I take it. As soon as he's seated on the sofa in the far corner of the room, I sit down in his lap, like I always have. Adam’s always been protective over me just like a big brother would be, and fortunately for me, Mitch has never been the jealous type.

  He knows there are no romantic feelings between Adam and me, and come to think of it, he's probably never cared. "So, how’s Jimmy going?” he asks.

  My body leans against him, my head resting on his shoulder, and I go on to tell Adam everything that's happened from the car accident to Mark’s heart attack.

  “Wow, how are Annette and Zoe doing?”

  “I spoke to Zoe before, and she seems to be coping okay, so far, but I’m not sure about Annette. I plan on going to the hospital later today, so I’ll be able to check in on her. It can’t be easy having your whole life split into two hospital rooms on different floors. My heart breaks for her.” I feel sad just uttering the words.

  “Poor thing, she’s so kind. She doesn’t deserve so much heartache.” He pats my back in a bid to comfort me.

  When Mitchell has the table ready for a game, Adam hops up to join him while I take a seat in front of the PlayStation. I place the Tony Hawk disk in the console and get myself comfy in the chair. I love skateboard games more than I should. I could be here for days continuously trying to beat everyone else’s top scores.

  Sometime later, I’m interrupted by Chaz, who drops his butt down on the couch next to me. I pause my game and look over at him and smile.

  Chaz is your typical eighteen-year-old that thinks he is God's gift to women. He has dark hair that flicks to the side, a strong jaw, and high cheekbones. And let me tell you, ladies, he has a body that makes any girl weak at the knees. “How’ve you been?” I ask as I lean in and hug him.

  He keeps his arm draped over my shoulder and pulls us back into the chair, so we’re comfortable. “Things are good. Hey, Cass. I heard about Jimmy and Mark. Is there any news yet?”

  Shaking my head, I go on to tell him everything that transpired last night. As I finish explaining the situation, I look over and see my best friend in the world (other than Zoe), Hamish, come into the pool room. Immediately, I excuse myself and run over to meet him.

  Hamish is a couple of years older than me, but since we were in the same school, we used to spend our recess and lunches together. We’d talk for hours at a time. People have always whispered about us, wondering if we'd ever taken our relationship any further, but those are the people that don’t know us well.

  Mitchell’s never been fazed by our relationship. He knows Haim and I are just the best of friends and that neither of us has ever even considered going any further.

  When Hamish has lead me back over to the sofa, and we've sat down, he asks, “Cass, why the fuck didn’t you call me yesterday?”

  Resting my head on his shoulder, I sigh, "Oh, Bub. I swear I felt as if I was there to hold everything together. All I could think of was ways to comfort and try to take away any pressure tha
t was on Annette and Zoe,” I explain.

  He nods in recognition. “Mitchell called me late last night or early this morning, I’m not sure which one it was as I was sleeping, but he filled me in on some of it. So, you’re going to fill in the rest for me, tell me what happened, and if you've had any news today?”

  I tell him about the phone call I had with Zoe only a couple of hours ago, and then I go on to explain to him how I plan on going back up to the hospital soon.

  “Do you think it would be okay if I tag along?” he asks as he holds me a little tighter.

  “I don’t see why not. I’ll shoot Zoe a text now and ask her to talk to Annette.” I take my phone out of my handbag and tap out a message. Immediately I receive a one in return.

  Zoe: “Annette said it’s fine. She’d love to see Hamish.”

  Me: “Awesome, we’ll be up soon.”

  The moment it hits two o’clock, I say goodbye to the others while ushering Mitchell and Hamish out the door. I want to be at the hospital the moment visiting hours begin.

  Chapter Three

  I take the front passenger seat next to Mitch, while Hamish is sitting directly behind me. As we drive along the Freeway, I hear my phone ring. I take it out of my bag and see that it's Zoe calling.

  “Hey Zoe, we’re on our way, now. What’s the matter?”

  “It’s,” sniff, “Mark. He just had another massive heart attack. He’s dead, Cassie!”

  When I look over at Mitchell with my eyes wide with shock, and he sees my expression, he immediately pulls the car into the service lane. “What is it, Cass?” he asks.

  “Mark’s dead,” I whisper. But then I hear Zoe yelling down the phone. I hadn’t realized I’d dropped it into my lap. Quickly, I pick it up and put it to my ear. “Sorry, I dropped the phone. We’re on our way. We’ll be there soon,” I say while trying desperately to hold back my tears.

  “Okay,” she whispers. “Bye.”

  “Bye,” I sigh.