The Beginning Read online

  “I think it will be the best trip ever, Dad.” I smile. It will be the trip of a lifetime. He deserves it.

  Too drunk to drive, we catch a cab back to my house, where I hug my dad goodbye, and he heads back to my Uncle Will’s house to crash for the night. The moment my head hits the pillow, I’m out like a light.

  The next morning, when I go to get my coffee, I see that my mother’s home, so I try to sneak past her, but the bitch spots me. “Where were you, last night?”

  “Out.”

  “Where?” she asks bluntly.

  I take a deep breath. I’m trying to prepare myself for whatever reaction it is she'll give to my news. I’m leaning more so toward the ‘I don’t give a fuck if he’s dying," side. But I'm hoping to high fucking hell she surprises me and shows some concern for my dad, the father of her children, thus showing that our feelings should be her number one priority.

  “I went out with Dad.” I can see she’s already rolling her eyes at the mere mention of him. I do my best to ignore it, and I continue. “Dad’s been given fourteen months to live,” I forcefully say over the lump in my throat.

  She looks up at me, surprises written across her features. “Couldn’t have happened to a more deserving guy.” The fucking bitch even smiles. She fucking grins.

  I look at her with horror in my heart, and I try to stop the tears. “Did you just say what I think you said?” I ask calmly.

  She has a look of relief on her face. “Yep, I sure did.”

  Anger and disgust rage through my body, and I stand and confront her, “You’re fucking disgusting. How can you live with yourself? I hope something horrible happens to you, and the day it does, I’ll be sitting back laughing, you fucking evil, heartless bitch!”

  I storm out of the room, go to my bungalow, lock the door behind me and take out my phone. “Dad, can you pick me up and bring Uncle Will with you?”

  “Shouldn’t be a problem, why?”

  “I’ll explain later. I need to get the fuck out of here for good, the sooner, the better. If you leave me here for too long, I fear that I’ll kill that fucking thing that gave birth to me, and I know I’ll have no regrets, whatsoever.” My breaths are erratic, and I can feel the bile rise in the back of my throat.

  “Shit, that doesn’t sound good. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  The moment I hang up the phone, I pack the rest of my cases as fast as I can, and soon enough, I hear my mother banging on my door, and I can see that she’s trying to turn the handle. I ignore her pleas and continue to pack. I wasn’t joking when I told my father that I’d hurt her. I want to hurt her, and I am not the type of person that deliberately thinks about payback, but this woman has pushed me too far.

  Dad’s out the front within ten minutes of my call. He knocks on the bungalow door, telling me he pushed my mother aside, ordering her to leave. When I see his face through the window, I unlock the door and open it for him.

  Dad doesn’t ask any questions. He and my Uncle Will come in, pick up my belongings and throw them in the back of my father’s van. As they do that, I walk towards my 1986 VL Holden Commodore, but I know I’m too angry to drive, so I throw the keys at my uncle. “Can you drive? I am way too pissed off to be behind the wheel?”

  “Sure, no problem,” he says to me in his thick Irish accent. My uncle is a sweetheart, but he is a monster of a man. He’s well over six feet tall, and he’s covered in tattoos.

  Just as I lower myself into the passenger seat, I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I turn around only to see my mother Rose, standing before me. “Cass, what are you doing?” she asks.

  I don’t say a word, but she tries to push me for answers, and before I know what’s happening, I’ve punched my mother in the face. To my horror, I realize, I don’t care. I’m numb as I climb into the car, ignoring her pleas. “Drive,” I order my uncle. He doesn’t say one word, he silently pulls out of the driveway, but as we turn onto the highway, Uncle Will finally asks, “Cass, what the fuck just happened?”

  I take a deep breath and let it go. “I told Rose about Dad’s condition, and all she said was, ‘It couldn’t happen to a more deserving guy.’”

  “Bullshit!” he then glances in my direction.

  “No bullshit. Those were the exact words the cunt used.” I cross my arms over my chest.

  “I’m glad you’re coming to stay with us then.”

  A pang of guilt hits me. “Oh my, God, Uncle Will. I’m so rude. I didn’t even think to ask you, or Aunt Gabby if I could stay. I just shoved myself on you.”

  “Don’t be stupid, love. Everyone knows how much I hate your mother, and I’ve never been one to hide my feelings. I’m kind of proud of you for socking her one.” He laughs.

  “It wasn’t my finest hour; I really shouldn’t have done it.” I shake my head, feeling disgusted with myself.

  “Don’t sweat it. She may think twice before saying anything nasty to Courtney when it comes to your dad’s condition.”

  “I hope she does.” But I doubt it.

  Once we arrive at Will and Gabby’s, I unpack a few of my things in the spare room. When settled, I follow the sound of the Irish music out to the garage, and that’s where I find Will and Dad.

  Before I do anything else, I pour myself a bourbon and Coke then take a seat down next to my father. "Will tells me I should ask you what the fuck happened back at the house. I have never seen you as angry as you were, this morning. What did she do or say to make you so angry?” I see amusement dancing in his eyes.

  I take a long sip, then tell him, “Oh god, Dad, it was horrible. I walked in and told her about your situation, and to let her know that I’d be leaving with you. But the moment I told her about your cancer, the fucking bitch smiled and said, ‘It couldn’t have happened to a more deserving guy.’ I immediately lost it and started packing.”

  Will then steps in, “Love, if I was to begin beating up women, I can tell you now that she would be the first on my list. Good on you for standing up to the bitch.”

  All I can do is laugh because it is my only coping mechanism.

  We continue to drink until Will’s wife, my Aunt Gabby, walks in the door after finishing work. She is too freaking adorable for words. She’s short and skinny with long brown hair and a smile that would melt a freaking Eskimo. “Cassie love, you over visiting your dad?” she asks and comes over to hug me.

  I look over at my Uncle with shock. He hadn’t consulted her about the fact that I needed somewhere to stay. “What can I say? I forgot to call her.” He shrugs.

  Dad speaks up for me and tells Gabby everything that’s happened this afternoon as Gabby takes the seat next to me.

  “I’m so sorry, love. Look, I know that I’ve never really gotten along with your mother, but I would never have thought she was capable of such hurtful words,” she says as she wraps her arms around me, and I bury my head into the nook of her neck.

  “I didn’t think so either.” I shrug, trying to look tough, but Gabby sees right through my façade. I needed a woman to talk to, and since I didn’t want to bother Zoe with my problems, I decide to tell Gabby everything that's happened with Mitchell. Including my sleeping with him for the first time two nights ago, and how he left straight away and hadn't even bothered sending me a text since then.

  “God, Cass. You’re having a rough week, aren’t you?” She coos.

  “I don’t know how the hell I’ve survived it. I’m so tired. I think I might turn in for the night. I need some rest,” I tell her through my sobs.

  “That is a good idea, love. It’s your eighteenth birthday tomorrow. Are you looking forward to it?” she asks.

  “Honestly, Gabby. I really don’t care. The part I am looking forward to is going for my license. Other than that, I’m not fussed,” I say as I shrug. I’m not. Nothing about this week seems fair, but my birthday, the birthday that others are so excited about, really is the last thing on my mind. All I want to do is pass my driver
’s test and get the fuck out of Melbourne as fast as I can.

  “That’s sad to hear, but I guess with everything going on in your life at the moment, I can see why it’s just another day for you.” She squeezes me again.

  “Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel. Anyway, I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight.” I hug her in return.

  “Goodnight, love.”

  I kiss everyone goodnight and head straight for bed. I know I have my driver’s license test in the morning, and I have to be alert. I need to pass it.

  The next day, I’m rudely awoken by Will, Gabby, and my father. “Get up!” They all yell in unison. Immediately I sit up, startled. Then they begin to sing Happy Birthday to me, and I swear I’ve never felt so embarrassed in my life. As soon as they’ve finished singing, Dad comes forward and hands me a small, gift-wrapped box.

  “Go on, open it,” he orders.

  I rip the wrapping paper off and open the box. Inside is a beautiful white gold chain with an eighteenth pendant hanging from it. “It’s beautiful, Dad. Thank you so much. I love it.”

  His smile is huge, “You’re welcome, love.”

  I stand up and hug him. When we pull apart, Uncle Will says to me, “Here, open this one.” He then hands me a large gift-wrapped box. “It’s from Gabby and me.”

  “You didn’t have to,” I tell them.

  “Just open it,” he orders with a smile.

  I place the box on the bed, and I pop off the lid. “Oh my god, it’s perfect,” I squeal.

  I look up at him. “When I drove your car home yesterday, I noticed you only had a tape deck, so I thought you’d like a new CD head unit.” Will continues to smile.

  “Thank you so much. I can’t wait to put it in.” I pull Will and Gabby in for one big hug.

  “You’re welcome,” Gabby laughs. “I’m sure that between your uncle and your dad they’ll be able to fit it before you have that long drive ahead of you on Friday.”

  “That would be amazing.” I know I'm beaming. I can't imagine being stuck with just the radio and no Eminem for the nine-hour drive to my father's. I know I'd go utterly insane.

  “You’d better get ready so I can take you to VicRoads for your test." I’d forgotten about the test. Fuck, I hope I pass, I need to pass.

  “You’re right. Thank you again for all of you the gifts; they’re perfect.”

  “No problem. Now, get ready for your test. You’ll be fantastic. Fill yourself with confidence, and I know you’ll pass on your first go,” Will tells me and taps my shoulder in a show of support.

  “Thanks. I will.”

  The moment they had left the room and closed the door, I changed into my skinny jeans, tight DC T-shirt, and skate shoes, ready to go.

  As my father drove me to my test, I studied the manual, I didn’t need to, I knew the road laws better than anyone else, but I couldn’t risk failing. I needed to leave this town, and it would be so much easier doing that with a license.

  I manage to pass with only a couple of misses on the written test, and the practical goes off without a hitch. I’m so excited to have my license in hand. No bastard can stop me now.

  Chapter Five

  As soon as I wake, the next morning, I walk through the house to find that everyone’s gone. But there is a note left for me on the kitchen table.

  'Cass, I’ve ducked out to find something to wear for the funeral. I’ll be back with plenty of time to spare. Love, Dad.'

  My stomach clenches, I hate funerals, I hate them so damn much. The moment I’m dressed, I take my phone out of my handbag and call Zoe. “Hello.”

  “Hey, Hun. I just wanted to see how Jimmy’s doing.”

  “The doctors say he’s out of immediate danger, which is a huge relief. They did that test they do when they run the pen down the bottom of the foot, and Jimmy reacted. I’m so happy, and hopefully, they’ll bring him out of the coma in the next few days.”

  “That’s excellent news, Zoe. I’m so happy for both of you. Will you be at the funeral today?”

  “Unfortunately, no, I won’t be. Annette wasn’t going to leave Jimmy’s side until I offered to stay with him. I think it’s important for her to have closure. I know if she doesn’t attend the funeral, she’ll regret it for the rest of her life, and I can’t let that happen.”

  “You’re spot on, and I think she would’ve. I’ll call you after the service is finished.”

  “Okay, hun. Bye.”

  “Bye, Zoe.” And I hang up.

  I place my phone back in my bag and head to the bathroom so I can apply my makeup. I don’t bother with mascara. I already know that if I do wear it, by the end of the service, I’ll look like a damn panda bear.

  Just as I am finishing up, I hear the front door close. “Is that you Dad?” I yell out.

  “Yes, love. I’ll just get changed, and then we can leave.”

  “Okay. I’m almost ready.”

  On the way to the funeral home, Dad stops at Annette’s house to pick her up. I didn’t want her attempting to drive today, and neither did my dad, she’d probably end up in a coma just like Jimmy, and we couldn’t let that happen. We’d never forgive ourselves.

  The car ride is eerily quiet, but what subject is appropriate when you're on your way to a funeral? And let’s face it, both my father and I aren’t that skilled in this sort of thing, we’d probably make some crude joke by accident and make Annette feel even worse about what she's about to face.

  When we've reached the funeral home, we take a seat and wait for the director to emerge from her office. Dad sits on one side of Annette, while I sit on the other and we each take one of her hands in ours to show our support.

  After just a couple of minutes of waiting, a woman comes out to greet us. She’s a small lady, a little chunky, but there’s something adorable, and comforting about her presence.

  She introduces herself as Hailey and offers to take us through to where Mark is lying in his coffin, reluctantly, I follow. I wasn’t sure if this was something I wanted to do, but I also know that I won’t back out.

  As she opens the casket, I make sure I’m ready to catch Annette, just in case she falters. I look to my father, and I can see that he has one of his hands resting on the small of her back and the other is holding her hand.

  Bracing myself, I lean forward to peek into the casket. Relief floods me when I see that Mark looks as if he’s just asleep. I must say, they did an excellent job on his makeup. I’ve seen dead bodies before, and the morticians have always applied way too much makeup. So much so that it doesn’t look anything like the person you once knew and loved.

  We stand together in silence for a few minutes, and then I watch on as Annette leans in and kisses Mark on the forehead. When she straightens, she turns to us and says, “I’m ready.”

  Dad takes her hand in his, and as they're leaving the room, they notice I’m not moving with them. “Are you okay, love?” Annette questions.

  “Would it be okay if I have a minute alone with him?” I ask.

  She smiles and takes my hands in hers.

  “You’re family. Take all the time you need. And don’t let any of the fuckers that work here try to hurry you up.”

  My jaw drops, anyone who knows Annette knows she doesn’t swear much, let alone the ‘F’ and ‘C’ words.

  She starts to laugh. “Yes, my dear. Death turns me into a potty mouth.” She leans in, kisses me on the cheek, then she takes my father’s hand, and he leads her out the door. But just before it’s fully closed my father winks at me, and then, he’s gone.

  Walking back over to the casket, I rest my hand over Mark’s and begin to cry like I would if it was my father lying before me.

  Once I manage to control my sobs, I open my eyes and look at him. “I’m going to miss you more than you will ever know. I have no idea

  what happens after we die, but I like to think that the dead can hear us when we need them.” I take a deep breath and continue, “I need a huge favor from you. I know it probabl
y sounds stupid to be asking this because you are no doubt trying to get your bearings wherever you are, but I need for you to help my dad when the time comes. The doctors have given him a small, time frame to live. I hope to god, or whoever it is that decides our fate, is wrong. But if they’re not, then I need to know that he is safe. Safe with you.” I move my head forward and kiss him on his temple. “Thank you for being there for us when dad couldn’t be. You are my inspiration. I hope that if I do have children, one day, they will have your heart and soul. I miss you. I love you.” I kiss his temple, one last time. I look at him, and I let the sobs take control because there is no sense in fighting them.

  Dad is waiting on the other side of the door for me when I emerge, and when he sees I’m crying, (I am super glad that I opted for no mascara) he holds out his arms, and I let him envelop me. While I try my hardest to stop the tears, again, my father holds onto me, patting my head, just as he did when I was only a small child.

  Finally, I stop the flood of tears, pull myself together, and stand up straight. “Are you okay to go in, love?” he asks.

  I take a breath, and let it go, “I’ll be okay when the service is over.”

  He nods and leads me to the front of the room.

  As the crowds gather, I watch on from the front row as the funeral director and an usher, wheel the casket into the room. Before anyone else can get a gig at my beloved uncle, I stand up and walk over to the casket and go to close the lid.

  Annette didn’t want her husband to be treated like a sideshow for the people coming to have a look at a dead body. But just as I'm about to let the lid close, I feel pain in my heart knowing that it will be the last time I'll ever see Mark again. My father must be able to see my hurt because he comes over and embraces me. “You’re doing good, love.” He then kisses my head.

  I don’t say anything to him in return, but I try to smile the bravest smile I can muster and press on taking my seat beside Annette and place my hands in hers.